Manusia Toksik Part II

There's another type of manusia toksik. They are the people who claim to be your friends but keep doing or saying things that make you feel down or worst, humiliated. They constantly make you feel incompetent, stressed & depressed. Having a toxic friend can be liken to having a bad habit, like smoking. You know very well that continuing an intoxicated friendship is hazardous to your well-being, but often, this type of friendship is hurtful and tough to leave. How do you deal with your toxic friends? Do you just walk out of the friendship, or shall I say, quit cold turkey? Or do you have the patience to give that friend another chance for the sake of those good old days. Again?

Hmmm.... As far as I remember I don't have any toxic friend, Alhamdulillah. Probably that's because I don't have that many close friends. Close enough to the extent that what he or she says can hurt me. Of course, I have many friends. But I'm sure like many of you, there are categories of friends - kawan baik, kawan sekelas, kawan se-studio, kawan se-supervisor (our thesis supervisor's students, kena get to know them supaya boleh berkongsi tips camna nak handle supervisor), kawan serumah or housemates, kawan tapi mesra..he..he.. The list is exhaustive. But unfortunately, those people who intoxicated you are usually those who are in the first category ie kawan baik. These are the people that matter to you. These are the people that you look for when you feel down and out and need someone to talk to. These are the people that you feel their views matter to you. But sadly, sometimes it is these very people who contstantly make you feel down and worthless.

So, how do you handle a toxic friend who also happen to be your best friend? Well, I don't know the answer because I have not many, but quite handful of friends who I know will always be there for me (hey girls, you know who you are okay) and non of them is intoxicated (I audit my friends well). A friend wrote on her blog that she just erased a toxic friend from her.. opps.. wait a minute, I'm not sure. She said she has erased that person (or persons?), but not quite sure erased from what. From Facebook / Friendster ke? Or probably from her list of contacts in her mobile? Or probably she cut out that person's face from a photo? I'm not sure about that, but she has made it clear that she's not going to tolerate his/her belittling remarks anymore. Bravo girl!.. I know it hurts, but you've got to do what you just got to do.

Well, erasing is probably the first step you can do. You can do so many things to erase the things associated with him or her. You can throw all the things which remind you of that person. You can burn them all. You can even de-friend with all mutual friends that you share with him or her.

But, the question is can you really erase him or her from your memory?

Oh my.. I think I'm slowly encroaching into other subject. This is the problem with me. I have problems in organizing my thoughts. Tiba-tiba teringat pula kepada sahabat sebantal, sepermainan, sekenakalan yang kini semakin menjauh dan berada dalam dunianya yang cukup berbeza.

Back to the topic.

Like I said, I don't have toxic friends. But I do have toxic relatives. To me, dealing with toxic relatives is much more complicated than dealing with toxic friends. Difficult sebab they're family. They can be your uncle, or aunt, or cousin. You can just walk out from a toxic friendship (though it hurts sometimes), but the goodbye is clean as there's no string attached. You can ignore his/her birthday invitation or housewarming. But you can't really do the same to you aunt because she is your father's sister. You're obliged to attend her son's wedding, or your grandfather's funeral. You'll bound to see her again and again. And again and again, you will have to tolerate her constant behaviour or words that make you feel belittled. So how do you handle the situation? What I did is that I usually apply what Stephen Covey preached in his famous 7 habits book. I keep telling myself that "words can't hurt me" and that "garbage in garbage out". And as much as possible, I will try to minimize any chance of meeting her. The lesser I see her, the better.

Another related scenario: How do YOU deal with a toxic mother-in-law? I have not one, but a few friends who are facing this problem. Ini lagi susah babe. You love the son, but you wish that you can send his mom straight to Hell. You wish that you could just talk back whenever she said hurtful or irritating things to you.... but if you do that, you'll be hurting the person you love most which is non other than your hubby. Tricky huh?

PS:
Kisah ibu mertua itu tidak ada kena mengena dengan diri penulis, kerana penulis mempunyai hubungan yang baik dengan ibu mertuanya. I admit, I don't love her like the way I love my own mom. But, I do love her anyway.